Return of the Mack | Bella Union Rooftop | Sucker Punch | Oscar Wilde
Alright @YouTheReader,
This tune was on in the background at one of the bars I had a great pint of Guinness at. A bit on Mark Morrison, he’s a German-born British singer. “Return of the Mack” became an international smash hit in the spring of 1996. It peaked at #2 on the US Billboard Hot 100 and Irish IRMA while hitting the top spot #1 in the UK. So just to be fully transparent, this song is about a guy getting his groove back on with women.
This is not me applying for reinstatement back on Hoboken Hinge. Instead, I just wanted to use this iconic opening beat for the 15 Second Reel, skip over the sad boy broken heart part, and go straight to Return to the Mack in a completely fictionalized hypothetical Hoboken Hinge date scenario.
Hey!! Are you Tom?
Yes, hello, _______. How are you? Hope this spot isn’t too far from you, tried to pick central Hoboken.
*Half awkward hug with a smile because nobody knows how to greet a complete stranger you just met online.*
No, this is perfect! Where are you coming from?
I’m over by 10th & Willow.
I love 10th! So where are you from?
Rockland, New York. It’s like a 45-minute train North.
Oh, so you’re from upstate New York?
Uhhh… I mean I guess technically if you’re from The City. I’m a town over from the Jersey border. Do you know Westchester? It’s on the opposite side of the Hudson. Ever heard of the Palisades mall?
Oh my god, no I’ve never been! I actually went to a mall for the first time in forever to see Barbie, have you seen it?
Nah but I saw Oppenheimer.
**2 minutes of dead silence as we both check the menu.**
I’m going to go with the marg. What are you going to get?
I gotta try the Guinness. Want to split an app?
*Turns to @YouTheReader: No way I’m buying dinner on a first date on Hoboken Hinge. Not in this economy. This ain’t my first rodeo.*
I figured you’d like Guinness because of your hair. It’s my go-to in March, do you drink it year-round?
Uhh yeah, actually it’s all I drink when I’m out now.
*Waiter comes by as drinks and calamari are ordered.*
*She checks her phone.*
Sorry, one of my friends is texting me about the Eras Tour. What kinda music are you into?
All types. I guess Drake, Taylor Swift, Zach Bryan, I don’t know… The Killers.
Ahhh so basic. (*in a joyful sarcastic tone*) So what do you do for fun?
I drink Guinness… Like a lot of Guinness. I review them at pubs in The City for this thing I do called Week to Week Notes.
*Pulls out the Week to Week Notes card. I have no shame at this point.*
Oh my god, that’s a cool card! Week to Week Notes and @You_The_Reader huh that’s different! #GuinnessChallengeSeason Oh so that’s the Guinness part, got it. “Sports content for the casual fan.” So is this like a sports blog?
Uh yeah, I guess so, yeah pretty much.
What’s your TikTok?
I don’t have one. I use Instagram, Twitter, and a bit of Facebook to market it.
Oh my god, really you need to get one asap!
Yeah, everybody tells me that.
*As I show her the @You_The_Reader Instagram page she faints from a migraine due to the latest Reel.*
Waiter, can I get the check, please.
(@YouTheReader that was a weak finish but I’m crunched with time and this bit might be a work in progress.)
…tomorrow with His or Her Words, Not Mine… I went on my share of dates from the apps before Week to Week Notes so hopefully, people can relate a bit. I never had a bad experience on a Hoboken Hinge date, I’m just playing around trying to write creatively with this one. Also nothing against Hinge or dating apps, plenty of people meet on there and it’s always good to get out there.
Alright, enough of that before I get myself in trouble, on to the Pints!
Guinness Challenge Season #1
@Kids don’t try this at home. Not just because you’re underage and will have plenty of pints to drink if that ends up being your thing when you’re older but also because Guinness is actually best served in a pint glass from a tap. A pint of Guinness varies depending on the drinking establishment. If the keg it sits in is rarely poured, it can lead to some underwhelming taste. Rather than stealing gimmicks, I’d like to start taking Notes while drinking Guinness. My grandfather from Connemara, who I never got the chance to meet, Thomas Davis, used to drink pints and by all accounts was a self-taught thinker. The one rule I’ve imposed on myself is that I will only have 1 pint per sitting from each establishment I review, so @AnyoneWorrying, don’t worry about my drinking habits. The Guinness Challenge is to “cut the G” on your first sip (more like a gulp and a half). If this is your first time hearing about it, I didn’t come up with the fun challenge @YouTheReader can try the next time you have a Guinness. The 0.0 to 10.0 scale will be extraordinarily nuanced but as a reference point, the only perfect 10.0 I plan ever to give out is at the Guinness Factory in Dublin one day.
Song On In The Background: Hold On We’re Going Home by Drake
Notes if you can’t read my sloppy scribble: Corinne is the bartender. She’s from Boston so we’re adversaries. Patriots, Celtics, Sox, and Bruins fan. “I love New York but if I ever came out with NY sports stuff I’d get thrown out the house.” We’re not going to get into the rivalry today or how the Bruins choked in the first round. Bella Union has 1 complimentary brunch cocktail with every entree. They are a sister bar to Gem Saloon. The owner was a Deadwood fan and Bella Union is a brothel in the show. “We’re kind of the rebel bar.” Corrine’s nephew is a huge Bruins fan and his favorite player is Bobby Orr. She went to Fordham and fell in love with The City. The steak salad is a steal at $13 during the week, it’s recommended. The Sexy Beast cocktail is also recommended. Bella Union has 3 levels of bars and an absolutely gorgeous view of the Empire State Building from its rooftop.
The Empire State Building looked stunning on that fine Sunday afternoon, Bella Union truly has a great view of both the Empire State Building and the Chrysler. They winterize the area in the colder months so it is a great year-round space for private events. Check out there Happy Hour Menu right below. I’m looking forward to grabbing another pint of Guinness at Bella Union Rooftop again soon!
Song On In The Background: Return of the Mack by Mark Morrison
Notes if you can’t read my sloppy scribble: The music right now is too loud to ask too many questions. Sandy is the bartender and she’s rocking a Mariano Rivera #42 pinstripe jersey so Sucker Punch is good in my book. New spot. The TKO and Chilly Lime Wings are recommended. String Like A Bee cocktail is also recommended. They have a massive TV screen behind the bar. The thing is like a movie theater screen large. Celtics and 76ers are on it playing game 4. It’s 12’ by 8’ I just asked the owner. Noah owns the joint, he’s been here two months and did all the renovations himself. Great new sports bar.
This Saturday you can watch Jake Paul vs Nate Diaz at Sucker Punch! You get a free drink by RSVPing to any event. Gerrit Cole blowing a 6 run lead was for sure a bit of Sucker Punch and that was a brutal loss. Sucker Punch has a $25 Bottomless Brynch with the purchase of an Entree. They have plenty of options for drinks including a Suckerpunch Bowls or a Beer Tower. I look forward to grabbing another Pint of Guinness at Sucker Punch again soon!
Song On In The Background: Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift
Notes if you can’t read my sloppy scribble: Sitting in a drinking establishment that is very classy and named after Oscar Wilde. It’s too loud to talk to the bartender. Here are two Oscar Wilde quotes, 1) “Men is least himself when he talks on his own person. Give him a mask and he will tell the truth.” 2) “A man’s face is his autobiography. A woman’s face is her work of fiction.” Wow, zinger, Oscar Wilde was wilding! He’d get canceled for that today, right? Only messing ladies! The Tuna Tartar is recommended. 1800s wallpaper with old pics on the wall. A ton of cool statues. This place is fancy!
Oscar Wilde’s NYC is home to the longest bar in the City. At 118.5 feet, featuring Carrara marble and gold draft taps across the length of the restaurant, it’s quite magnificent! Their whiskey bar is a repurposed 1819 player piano and is home to over 300 varieties of whiskey. They have 26 antique clocks and multiple collections, all set to 1:50, the time of Oscar Wilde’s death. The building itself was designed by Henry T. J. Fuehrman in 1909. In 1919, the building actually took on the role of Prohibition Enforcement Headquarters due to the Volstead Act. In January of 1922, it is discovered that the telephone lines at the Prohibition Headquarters had been tapped for months. On December 31st, 1933 - Volstead Act is repealed and replaced with the 21st Amendment of the Constitution. From the end of Prohibition to the current day, it has been occupied by a slew of novelty and apparel firms until becoming Oscar Wilde’s. I almost went with Taylor Swift’s Wildest Dreams but decided to save that song for another day. Oscar Wilde was one of the most successful playwrights of his time. Despite his success, he was actually persecuted for his sexuality and was sentenced to 2 years in jail. In a celebration of love, his homeland of Ireland became the first nation in the world to legalize gay marriage by popular vote, a tribute to Wilde's progressive life and ideas. I’m looking forward to grabbing another pint of Guinness at Oscar Wilde’s!