Let’s talk ball first and we’ll wrap up with Christmas Wrapping…
Week 15, ‘23
Thursday Night Football
San Diego Chargers 21 | Oakland Raiders 63
That was wild. Imagine being the idiot who took the Under? The Raiders were up 42-0 at the half. San Diego came out flat, turning the ball over 3 times in the 1st Quarter. I wonder what Brandon Staley must’ve said to the team before the game…
…okay, that explains it. Serious question, not to be the guy to talk about another man’s job but how the hell is this guy 1 of 32 people in the whole world? On the field hip thrusts during the pre-game of a Nationally televised game is a weird move. Must’ve been listening to Apache (Jump On It). Congrats to AOC on throwing 4 TDs. The Raiders putting up 63 after getting shut out last week must be some record.
I had the Raiders winning 9-3 (-3 LVR & Under 33.5) so 1-1 heading into the Week 15 weekend…
Saturday Slate
Minnesota’s unheralded defensive stud, Josh Metellus, has played every defensive position on the Vikings’ defense. The versatile defender went to school at Michigan where he played safety and was drafted by the Vikings in the 6th round of the ‘20 NFL Draft. In a league where every position is specialized, Metellus is truly one of a kind. After entering the NFL as a special teamer and backup, Metellus has flourished as a Josh-of-all-trades defensive weapon for Brian Flores’ defense. In Week 14, Metellus was graded 89.9 by PFF as a safety and he is now getting calls from fans to be voted into the Pro Bowl. Bengals career backup QB to Week 13 Player of the Week, Jake Browning, isn’t just living out his NFL dreams on his own, he is playing alongside his former high school teammate RT Jonah Williams. Browning and Williams went to Folsom High School where they led the Bulldogs to 3 straight state titles. This week the current Folsom Bulldogs just won states in back-to-back years, so the alums in the NFL were proud. Browning’s emergence in the past 2 weeks has the Bengals right in the thick of the AFC playoff picture. I’m hopping on the Browning & Bengals train this weekend so you may want to consider getting off it.
Prediction: 21-17 CIN (-3.5 CIN & Under 38.5)
Pittsburgh Steelers WR George Pickens is currently the biggest malcontent primadonna in the NFL because Jerry Jeudy is that irrelevant. The 2nd year WR made a nice primetime game grab last year and has 4 career 100-yard receiving games so in today’s world that warrants Pickens the ability to jaw at his head coach. Mike Tomlin, who is in year 17 as the Steelers coach, has yet to have a losing season on his resume. The Steelers’ QB play has been terrible since Big Ben left, but Pickens has been pouting for months and last week he stopped blocking—bad look. The Colts are looking to jump the Steelers as the 6th Seed in the NFL. Indianapolis has some demons to exercise against the Steelers, they haven’t beaten Pittsburgh since 11/9 ‘08 back when Peyton Manning was still their QB. That’s right, the Colts have lost to the Steelers in 8 straight meetings. The Colts are due, plain and simple.
Prediction: 19-16 IND (-2.5 IND & Under 42)
The Denver Broncos’ defense has turned it around this season. After giving up 70 points to Miami in Week 3 and a whole 31 points to the Jets in Week 5, they have only allowed 16 points per game since Week 6 (good for 2nd in the NFL). Since Week 8, the Broncos have had 20 sacks (good for 3rd in the NFL) and they are coming off a 6-sack performance in San Diego. Denver’s turnaround hasn’t just been on defense, their WR1, Courtland Sutton, quietly has caught 10 TDs this season, tying him for 2nd in the NFL. Entering this season, Sutton had played in 65 career games and scored 14 TDs, this year he has scored 10 in 13 and scored in 7 of his last 8 games. Every time I take the Lions to roar, they whimper. Every time I watch Jared Goff play QB I have to remind myself that Ryan Gosling was an absolute liability at CB in Remember The Titans. I’m switching it up and going with Denver this week.
Prediction: 23-22 DEN (+5 DEN & Under 47)
1 PM Slate
Falcons’ rookie RB Bijan Robinson enters Week 15 with 1,110 yards from scrimmage and 7 TDs. Imagine what he could have done with a competent coach and QB? Drake London too. London last Sunday had a career day with 10 catches for 172 yards. He made an incredible highlight acrobatic catch for a 40-yard gain in front of 2 Bucs defenders, it had to be GIF’d. The NFL’s #1 Overall Pick of ‘23 had a rough stat line to start last week as Bryce Young was 3 of 15 for 29 yards at the half. Young has been sacked 4 times in each of the last last 3 games and before that was sacked 7 times in Week 11. When these two NFC South teams first met in Week 1 of ‘23, the Falcons won 24-10 as their S Jessie Bates III welcomed Bryce Young into the NFL by picking him off twice in his Atlanta debut. I think there is a good shot Bates gets his 6th INT of the year this weekend in a ugly Falcon win.
Prediction: 18-2 ATL (-3 ATL & Under 35.5)
Da Bears are on a 2 game winning streak and have not won 3 in a row since Week 14 to 16 during the ‘20 season. In the past 2 games, QB Justin Fields has played completing 60% of passes for 440 passing yards, 117 rushing yards, 1 passing TD, and 1 rushing TD. He’s led Da Bears in rushing yards in each of the last 3 games. Ever since the Browns signed QB Joe Flacco off of his couch he has back to being borderline elite. Well, not really, but he’s been very solid, as last week he threw for over 300+ yards and 3 TDs. He found his TE David Njoku for 2 TDs as the former ‘Cane had his 1st multi-score game in his 7 year NFL career. The Browns defense picked off Sunshine Lawrence 3 times last week and is 6-1 at home (currently the 2nd best home record in the NFL). The Browns over Da Bears.
Prediction: 15-11 CLE (-3.5 CLE & Under 38)
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are so annoying to spell, that I have to double-check C’s, N’s, and E’s they have in their name on a Week to Week basis. Tampa Bay is currently in 1st place in the NFC South because of their 5-4 NFC Conference record being the best in the division. Both the Saints and Falcons are playing NFC Conference teams as well so this meeting in Green Bay is crucial if TB wants to maintain their status. Last week Bucs’ RB Rachaad White rushed for a career-high 25 times which produced a season-high 102 rushing yards. White has scored at least 1 TD through the air or on the ground in 4 of his last 5 games. The 2nd year RB seems to be heating up down the stretch. The Green Bay Packers backfield can’t catch a break. AJ Dillon broke his thumb on Monday Night Football and their RB1 heading into the season, Aaron Jones, hasn’t played in a month. Even when Jones was out there, he has only amassed 245 rushing yards in 7 games this year so 3rd year RB Patrick Taylor may be a name to watch. The last time the Bucs went up to Green Bay was in the NFC Championship of ‘21 when Tom Brady beat Aaron Rodgers. A lot has changed since, I’ll take the Pack this go a round.
Prediction: 28-24 GB (-3.5 GB & Over 42)
If you read yesterday’s His or Her Words, Not Mine you know that the Phins Fan Insider thinks Miami is going to lose out. I think he’s nuts! The first-place Phins have not been defeated by the Jets in Miami since Geno “They Wrote Me Off But I Ain’t Write Back Though” Smith saved Rex Ryan’s job during the ‘14 season. The Dolphins have dominated this AFC East rivalry winning 12 of their last 15 matchups. To be honest, I don’t even know why the Jets are flying down there. Miami is just such a better team in all 3 phases of the game. They have all the big-name stars and a young QB in Tua who they should pay top dollar for.
Prediction: 14-13 NYJ (+8 NYJ & Under 40)
I’m downright disgusted with myself, but I gotta admit, it’s hard not to root for Tommy D. Danny Dimes who? The Giants are winners of 3 in a row and the local kid is making plays. He’ll have TE Darren Waller back in the lineup this weekend. 2nd year G-Men pass rusher Kayvon Thibodeaux has been playing great of late, forcing fumbles in back-to-back weeks. Thibodeaux has 11.5 sacks on the season, 9th best in the NFL. The Saints just beat up Bryce Young with Demario Davis picking up a sack & a half. Davis (no relation) leads the Saints in tackles for the 6th straight season. The former Jets LBer has been a 4-time All-Pro down in New Orleans. The Saints’ offense just doesn’t impress me, I envision the Giants going down to The Big Easy, and forcing a tie.
Prediction: 20-20 Tie (+5 NYG & Over 37)
The Houston Texans looked TURRIBLE in the rain last Sunday. Thanks to his 91-yard passing at Met Life, rookie QB CJ Stroud gave up the NFL’s leading passer crown. Not only that, but Houston also is now technically on the outside of the playoff picture as the #8 seed. The Titans pulled off a 2 TD spread upset as they scored 2 TDs of their own with only 2:40 left in their 4th Quarter comeback on Monday Night. Will Levis truck-sticked Jalen Ramsey. WR DeAndre Hopkins has now scored 2 weeks in a row. Now old head D-Hop will face off against young man CB Derek Stingley. Lucky for the Texans, the forecast in Tennessee doesn’t have rain and I’m still taking Stroud over Levis.
Prediction: 27-10 HOU (+2.5 HOU & Under 37.5)
The Kansas City Chiefs TE Travis Kelce has now had 8 straight seasons of 80+ catches. The only other pass catchers to do so are WRs Jerry Rice, Torry Holt, and Marvin Harrison. (@FellowSwifties those 3 were great.) It’s too bad that Patty Mahomes had to take away from Kelce’s achievement by acting like a brat. The Pats suck.
Prediction: 38-0 KC (-9.5 KC & Over 37)
4 PM Slate
Last Friday I said I hoped Deebo Samuel burned Jamal Adams for a score and sure enough he did just that. After a slow start to his season, Deebo has been awakened. In the past 3 weeks, the Niners WR1 has caught 18 passes for 344 yards and 3 TDs. In this span, San Francisco has also got Deebo involved in the running game, scoring 3 TDs on the ground. The Arizona Cardinals were on a Bye last week and nobody seemed to notice. That said, if Vegas is giving them 2 TDs spread, I’ll take the home dogs.
Prediction: 25-12 SF (+14 ARI & Under 48)
The Washington Commies are losers of 4 straight. They have by far the worst defense in the NFL as they give up the most yards (379.8) and most points (30.4) per game. The Rams have scored 37, 36, and 37 in the past 3 consecutive games. Last week Rams WR Puka Nacua went gloveless and looked like Wayne Cherbet majestically catching passing in traffic. I’ll take the Rams getting to 30+ points through the air again.
Prediction: 30-8 LAR (-7 LAR & Under 49)
The Dallas Cowboys made a statement on Sunday Night Football. That game should almost count twice. The Cowboys' offense has been on fire, scoring no less than 33 points in their last 5 games. QB Dak Prescott is now in the driver's seat of the MVP discussion as his 28 passing TDs lead the NFL. WR CeeDee Lamb has now caught a TD in 5 straight contests and now found the endzone 8 times in the last 7 games. The Bills also are coming off a statement win in Kansas City, but I’m sure Patty Mahomes is still complaining about it so who knows, it might get overturned. Cowboys star pass rusher, Micah Parsons, described Bills QB Josh Allen as, "[He] reminds me a lot of that one crazy guy at the frat... he's that wild dude on the field. He's going to talk trash. He's going to get rowdy." Allen has now thrown an interception in each of the last 9 games, while also scoring 8 rushing TDs and 16 passing. Buffalo’s win last week may have cost them one of their top defenders as pass rusher AJ Epenesa suffered a rib injury. Epenesa hasn’t practiced this week and is tied for 2nd on the team in both sacks (6.5) & interceptions (2). There is a 75% chance of rain on Sunday in Buffalo, but it shouldn’t be cold enough for it to turn into snow. These two squads matched up in back-to-back Super Bowls (XXVII & XXVIII) with Dallas winning both games by a combined score of 82-30. I have a feeling this game will be a bit closer, but I’ll take Dallas nonetheless.
Prediction: 32-29 DAL (+2 DAL & Over 49)
Prime Time
Sunday Scaries
The Baltimore Ravens at 10-3 have the best +/- in the AFC at +143 and are winners of their last 3 games. Baltimore QB Lamar Jackson needs just 194 passing yards to break his career-high of 3,127 passing yards in a season. Ravens rookie RB Keaton Mitchell is averaging an absurd 8.5 yards per carry. In the last 5 games, he has broken at least one 21+ yard rush. His 6 20+ yard rushing plays have him tied for 3rd in the NFL only behind Jahmyr Gibbs (8) and Raheem Mostert (7). What makes it even more impressive is that Mitchell has only played in 7 games this season. Jacksonville has now lost 2 tight ones in a row. With the Jags placing WR Christian Kirk on the IR for the remainder of the regular season, expect TE Evan Engram to see an even more expanded role. Engram leads the team catches with 84 and has 4 games left to try and challenge the former great Jags WR Jimmy Smith’s 116 catches in a season franchise record. In the 2 games since Kirk went down, Engram has caught a team-high 20 passes and after scoring a TD all season, the former Ole Miss TE has now found the end zone 3 times in this span. The Jags’ defense is tied for 1st in the NFL in takeaways as they have combined for 13 INTs and 11 fumble recoveries. This huge advantage is offset by their offense turning the ball over 22 times this season, tied for the 6th worst. I’ll go with the Ravens on Sunday Night Football.
Prediction: 39-33 BAL (-3.5 BAL & Over 44)
Moody Monday
This week’s edition of Battle of the Birds features the Philadelphia Eagles and Seattle Seahawks. Everybody knows what an eagle looks like, but did you know that the seahawk is supposed to represent an osprey? The Seattle Ospreys just don’t have the same ring. Anywho, the Eagles are coming off 2 straight double-digit losses. This week, head coach Sirani has had QB Jalen Hurts practice falling while holding onto the football. Hurts has now fumbled the ball in 7 straight games and has lost a career-high 5 fumbles this season. Speaking of fumbles, rookie DT Jalen Carter returned one for a TD last week which was pretty cool. Seattle QB Geno Smith after missing last week’s game suited up for practice yesterday and is in line to return. The Seahawks have lost 4 in a row and I hope Jamal Adams gets burned by AJ Brown.
Prediction: 31-26 PHI (-3.5 PHI & Over 48)
Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses was released in 1981. The name of the song is a play on the title of a previous Christmas tune called “Christmas Rappin”, which in 1979 was one of the 1st rap songs to ever be released by a major label. While I wouldn’t consider this tune to be anything like hip-hop, the song’s style is fairly unique in that it is more spoken word than sung. The Waitresses were from Akron, Ohio, but this tune was written while their group founder, Chris Butler, was living in New York City.
This isn’t your typical Christmas Carol as it starts from the perspective of a single lady in a Scrooge mood. That said, she’s not a total Ebenezer as a part of her does love Christmas. I too love Christmas, but for us single adults, I think it’s okay to admit this time of year does bring a bit of a “what the hell am I doing with my life” feeling.
Okay, I can 1 million % relate to this. I have a feeling this past year is going to be a complete blur, thankfully I wrote a lot of shit down!
Sorry back to the story of the song. The woman met a guy at a ski shop and got his number, but has been too busy with life. Now she’s busy setting up her Christmas decorations.
Wow, that’s a bar. Maybe this should be considered rap. 24 days on the December calendar meaning that tonight is Christmas Eve.
The verses are pretty descriptive, they paint a nice picture of two people meeting last winter, and their plans falling through in the spring and summer.
The instrumental bridge is pretty iconic and very distinct.
Sidenote: The Waitresses broke up in 1984 and Chris Butler admitted that it still gets him in the dumps but that, “I kind of inadvertently paid this (song) forward to pull me out of my funk. Because when I hear it on the radio, and I usually do it at least once a year, it's when I least expect it. It's when I've got my head down and I'm grumbling my way through. Then I hear it coming out of a shoe store or something, and I go, 'All right. Lighten up. Come on, man, it's Christmas.' I swear. I get blindsided by it every time." (Source: SongFacts)
Back to the story, nothing seems to be going right for her. She’s got no time for Jingle Bells and wants to spend Christmas alone. After getting her hopes up on Halloween, she’s lowering her expectations for Christmas. Poor thing!
Shoutout A&P, I used to hate going there as a kid, but they had a great run.
Our lady forgot her cranberries but bumped into a ski shop guy.
A nice Christmas miracle ending! All because of random happenstance.
I hate to be that guy, but nowadays she’d probably order the cranberries off Instacart. Womp-womp.
Nah, that shouldn’t be a takeaway. I’m the last person you want to read relationship advice from but I think the lesson here is that if you put yourself out there sometimes things work out in ways you never planned for. That’s life!
Look at that, the Chorus went from “But I think, I’ll miss this one this year” to “Couldn’t miss this one this year.” Nice wholesome wrap-up, very pure!